The Guiltiness

Did u ever face a situation where u feel bad or guilty if u want to do something? ‘Do something’ here means like u might destroying something that already in place. Example like u make a cake with a beautiful icing decoration on it that u love so much till u feel like u don’t even want to cut n spoil it. Or maybe u have tighten n straighten up your bed sheet neatly n u feel bad if u sit on it unless it’s a bed time.

What about when u are on a strictly diet programme. You paid thousands Ringgit for that n u can’t eat this n that. What about u pay for the expensive membership n go to the gym everyday. Even hire a personal instructor. Follow all the do’s n don’ts. You have sustained avoiding it until one day u really craving of wanting eating something that u like so much, would u do it?

As for me, I sometimes have this guiltiness obsession within myself. I am very concern about my weight. I am 5ft 7in tall with 6#kg. My weight is considered ok with my height. But the very ambitious me who always not happy with the number, trying so many ways to reduce it!

I was very skinny when young n after gave birth n getting older it’s so difficult for me to get back to the weight that I want. I did actually tried the slimming tea (didn’t work), slimming cream (didn’t work) n exercise (worked but slow). So far the best weight reducer program n the excellent result that I had achieved was during the time I breastfeed by two younger kids.

I lost my weight tremendously. I just love my body at that time. I can eat anything what I want n remain slim at the same time. I breastfeed my last baby – Hakeem for two years. After a few months stopped my body just kept flabby here n there. The ‘spare tyres’ developed at the area that is so difficult to get rid off.

As for the solution, on the safer n sensible way I am doing a regular exercise. Though the result is slow, but I am achieving it now. The main thing is u can never get it easy. Exercise is one thing n your diet is another thing.

This is where my guilty of eating this n that comes. I love chocolate but now I rarely eating it. I have stopped drinking fizzy n sweet drinks. I limit myself eating rice 2times per week. But I can’t stop myself eating curry, masak lemak, oily fried mee, kuetiaw n all those malay foods. Oh.. it’s so tough ah..

The temptation is so hard to resist. Last Saturday I had a slice of chocolate mud cake. It’s so yummy. I made curry mee for Sunday lunch n today I had Nasi Lemak for my breakfast. I broke the rules. And to amend it, I keep telling myself if u feel good eating it – go ahead. But at the same time don’t stop exercise. And that will make me feel less guilty.

It’s not easy to be easy. Sometimes I can feel so terrible guilty after eating something. Regret that I didn’t stop n control myself. I am not aiming for the Miss World figure but I just want to look nice n confident with myself. Susah kan jadi perempuan? Sometimes dah mcm kufur nikmat pulak. But sometimes I just bantai je.. I don’t care. I told myself, eat while u can eat because if u r sick u can never eat n enjoy the food anymore.