I'm Used To These..

I’m used to people hurting my feelings

I’m used to people under estimating me

I’m used to people judging me the wrong way

I’m used to people betraying me

I’m used to people cheating on me

I’m used to people back stabbing me.

I’m used to do all the things by myself

I’m used to be alone.

* Though I am used to all these situations but every time when it happens it is still hurt me the most.

Happy New Year - 2012

Happy New Year to everyone. Hope it’s not too late for me to make a wish. As usual the same lame excuse - being very busy lately. Sometimes I am wondering where are all those my ‘passion’ in writing has gone? I got lots of things to tell and to share but it is always something that delays me to do it.

Well.. probably this new year of 2012 - the ‘resolution’ is to update my blog more frequently. Talking about ‘resolution’, I actually never believe in it. When I was young, I had a long list of resolutions. That was probably being influenced by people around me. Every year, I renewed my resolutions which some were actually being carry forward from previous years!

If you were to ask me – do I actually execute any of my resolutions? Some YES but many NOT! Hahahaha.. So that’s why I’ve decided not to have any. I would rather to have those resolutions at any time I wish with no dead line.

Anyway as new year comes, it means another year will be added to my years of life. I pray that this 2012 will give me and my family happiness, prosperous and good health.

Happy New Year again and lets pray this 2012 will be add more beauty and colorful into our life.

The Loss

To cope when losing someone that you love is not that easy. Thru out my life, I’ve lost a few people who were very close to me. A person that really gave lots of impact to my life was my mom. When she passed away, I felt like I’ve lost parts of myself. It was not easy for me though but thru out times I learned how to cope with it.

Recently my father in-law has passed away. All of us were very shock and sad especially hubby. I’ve never seen him in a shock-state which had me taken aback for awhile. I didn’t know whether I should touch or hold him, or should I say something to him. The truth is I felt so helpless at that moment.

I wish I could do something to calm him down. It broke my heart to see him cry, for the loss of his father. Hubby had seen me before – the devastated state of me when I lost my mom. I’ve cried for weeks. It was difficult for me to accept the fact that I’ve no longer have a mom.

When I see my husband, I truly understand the way he feels. Though we always say and know that one day this is going to happen but when it comes to the reality, we are always never prepared for it.

Jodoh, ajal dan maut di tangan Allah. No matter how we try to avoid it, one day we have to face it. Losing someone that we love is very painful. It’s a pain that we have to endure for the rest of our life. I always tell to myself – our life journal has been written by Allah. Whatever happens is actually fated and destined for us.

The most important is how we face and handle it. On life’s most difficult days all that we can do is simply take things moment by moment.

Semoga roh ayah mertuaku dan ibuku dirahmati Allah dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. Ampunkan segala dosa mereka dan masukkan mereka ke dalam syurga. Ameen.

Mau Kerja Ka??

My hubby sometimes came back home telling about his staff at the office. How he sometimes got upset with the work and also with the attitude of the locals here. I once told him "Susah2 ambik I je ah keje dgn abang..." Hubby looked at me and asked "Are you serious? If you want, I am fine with it" Bila dia cakap macam tu.. terus dah tergugat confident tadi! Hahahhaha..

Well.. I don't think I really mean it when I said it. I was probably sounded eager when hear the salary that I'll be getting but when come to think the time that I have to spend and be away from my home - NO.. NO.. NO..

I left my career life in 2002, 9 years ago. My last job was a consultant to one of the Australian company. I was at that time at the peak of my career. It was quite a tough decision for me to make. Hubby has been posted to Miri, Sarawak and I was pregnant with Nabila at that time. I didn't have much choice left - career or family?

I of course chose my family. I was quite miserable at first. Lonely and didn't know what to do. Hubby was quite supportive by encouraging me to join the Petronita Club (bini2 org Petronas). Memang mula2 tak boleh accept culture surirumah tangga kat sana ni.. So like makcik2 dalam drama tu.. Hahahha.. but slowly I learned and adapted myself to it.

I was holding quite high position in the Petronita Club and busied with various activities. Beside that I enrolled myself in cooking classes. I was also busied with my two toddlers - Nabila & Hakeem (gave birth two years in a row), don't ask me how and why! Hahahha.. but thank God when I look at them now, I wish I got pregnant for the third one on the following year!

Anyway that's how my status of "housewife" life began. After Miri, we moved to Oman (4 years) then I was back to Malaysia. Hubby was in Khazastan, me and kids were in Malaysia. We were living separately for 2 years. Then here I am back together all of us in Oman.

It is already 9 years but I enjoy every bit of my moment. I did sometimes envy looking at my friends who are now at their high position of career but hey.. probably they too envy with my life now! I can't gain everything what I want. You win something and you also have to loose something.

Back to the question - mau kerja ka? Hmm.. sorry ye.. at the moment I don't think I want to be apart from my home, children and all the things and leisure that I am having now. Though I am in the position that probably not proud to be called off - "housewife" still I never and never regret the decision that I've made 9 years ago.

I am content with my life now and wouldn't want to change it with anything!

Why?

Last night I got a shocking news about my friend, good friend actually. Her husband got married to another one. Gosh.. I was pulled back a bit as I know both of them, the husband. I just couldn't believe that her husband could do that.

I might sound unfair to the husband but hey.. I am a woman. No woman ever wants their husband to married another person and some more bermadu pulak! Orang selalu cakap jodoh ajal maut di tangan Allah. AGREED! TOTALLY! Kalau dah ajal, memang sape tak bole tolak tapi kalau kita sendiri menempah ajal mcm naik motor ala2 mat rempit.. tu dah lari dari dasar clause tu. Then kalau bercerai.. not one sane humankind wants that to happen to his/her marriage. Tapi kalau dah partner buat hal.. violent or probably having affair - tu pun sama mcm menempah tiket untuk menamatkan jodoh.

To man it's probably something to be proud off to have 2 or more wives. The fact is I don't think any person can be THAT fair to all the wives. Mulut cakap je.. hati? Yes.. he probably being fair by allocating his precious time to the wives but deep in his heart, I am sure he favor one of them. So where is the fairness??

My cousin dah bermadu more than 15 years. I've seen her ups and downs with his husband. Dari bermadu 3 orang sampai tinggal seorang sekarang. Frankly I don't like the way her husband treated her but she herself always tells me.. "takpa lah.. nanti aku dapat payung emas" Tu semua ayat penyedap hati.. but deep inside her she's suffering. At one time she was so close like sisters with her madu and at other time macam perang dunia. I think she is now more or less just go by the flow. Let things happen by itself.

Back to my friend's story.. I really feel sorry for her. For whatever reasons that the husband could list still it is unacceptable for him to married another one especially at his age. Last night I kept wondering why and why. I've heard many of my husband's friends married to another one or divorced at this 'late' age.

Life of marriage is not that easy actually. I, myself had face lots of obstacles. Some were scared to be remembered and some were good and always be in my memory. I love my family and my marriage and wouldn't want anything happen to it. I always tell hubby, if you have another person let me know.. don't fool around behind me. It's not that I encourage him or wants it to happen but I just cannot accept dishonesty and untruthful partner. I am a very loyal person and expect my partner to be one too.

I believe in Qada and Qadar and I also believe whatever happens in our life, there are always some reasons behind it. I hope and pray that my friend will stay strong. I know she is now suffering. Stop blaming yourself ( which we woman normally do) and think about yourself and children.

To all man out there, whatever reasons that you have please think wisely before you venture into this new life of yours. To all the woman yang nak sangat kahwin dgn laki orang ni.. fikir dan fikir lah berkali2.. "Semanis-manis madu bole menjadi racun pada seseorang. Mungkin manis bagi kita tapi belum tentu memberi kebaikan pada orang lain."

*I hope I can sleep calmly tonight without bothering hubby by pestering him with this issues! :)

International Day at British School of Muscat

Today is the Oman's National day. This year my kids' school celebrated it by organizing the International Day. Malaysia country took part in a few events. In the early morning the children paraded in a group of their Nationalities. Then it followed by performances from selected countries.

Malaysia is one of those who performed. We did the 'Kuda Kepang' dance. Ehem.. and it was choreographed by me!! At first we wanted to do silat but when come to think of it, it might looks bored and furthermore I don't even know how to do this silat!! Actually I knew nothing about this Kuda Kepang too but with some researched, I managed to create some steps.

We have four dancers from Year 3 including Hakeem. The kid started practice since last couple weeks. They did a tremendous job and everybody loved it! They remembered all the steps taught and they really looked wonderful. As for the Kuda Kepang we did it since the day we decided on it. The Kuda Kepang was made by Nadira and helped from Nurul. Thanks to both of them as they were so creative and the Kuda Kepang looked so lovely and beautiful.

Beside the performances, we also had our culture presented in one of the classes. We had our traditional wedding with pelamin. Suka budak2 ni main kahwin olok2.. The kids got to wear baju pengantin and tasted our traditional delicacies. Surprisingly they all loved it especially keropok! They also got to try playing Congkak and Batu Seremban. Interesting right.. According to my children, their friends said that Malaysian culture was the best among of all that they have visited.

In the afternoon, we had stalls selling foods from various countries. The stalls started selling at 1.00pm. We had nasi lemak, karipap, seri muka, kek lapis, bihun goreng and souvenirs stuffs. Yang paling laku was Nasi lemak and karipap!! Other stalls were selling their own traditional foods as well. Nabila and Hakeem were crazy spending money on origami at Japan's stall. Haih... kopak Mommy dia.. baik je balik lipat sendiri!!

Anyway.. it was a fabulous day today. Though it was a very long tiring day but everybody did a good job! Our Malaysian ladies did an excellent work as a team. Malaysia Boleh!!

Back To Business

After 9 days long Eid break, today I am back to my routine. Well.. actually this break was more meaningful to my children instead of me! I am a full time "worker" and there is no really like a real "break" for me. Hari-hari kena kerja owwhh...

We hardly have holidays here in Oman unlike in Malaysia, asyik cuti je.. So whenever there is a long holiday, we always plan to do something or go somewhere. Beside on the Eid day itself where we had guests coming over, we also organized another session of makan-makan. Since the weather now is getting colder, barb-q is always be the agenda. But this time we had stimbot and yong taufu. Fuhh.. memang pulun makan je ni..

We also made a trip to the desert - Wahiba Sands. We stayed a night there. At first we almost cancelled the trip as the weather lately was not that good. There were rains and thunder storms at a few places in Oman. On the day itself, the sky was blue and bright. Lucky us.. and there we were.. in the desert with a cool nice weather.

Beside that, most of the time we just nestled ourselves at home watching TV, eating and brought the children for a swim. Today as expected, waking up my two kiddies was quite difficult but once they reached the school and meeting their friends - happy and senyum sampai ke telinga. Hmm... after 9 days not to worry waking up them early and rushing to send and pick them up from school, here I am back to that routine.