Monday, 19 December 2011

The Loss

To cope when losing someone that you love is not that easy. Thru out my life, I’ve lost a few people who were very close to me. A person that really gave lots of impact to my life was my mom. When she passed away, I felt like I’ve lost parts of myself. It was not easy for me though but thru out times I learned how to cope with it.

Recently my father in-law has passed away. All of us were very shock and sad especially hubby. I’ve never seen him in a shock-state which had me taken aback for awhile. I didn’t know whether I should touch or hold him, or should I say something to him. The truth is I felt so helpless at that moment.

I wish I could do something to calm him down. It broke my heart to see him cry, for the loss of his father. Hubby had seen me before – the devastated state of me when I lost my mom. I’ve cried for weeks. It was difficult for me to accept the fact that I’ve no longer have a mom.

When I see my husband, I truly understand the way he feels. Though we always say and know that one day this is going to happen but when it comes to the reality, we are always never prepared for it.

Jodoh, ajal dan maut di tangan Allah. No matter how we try to avoid it, one day we have to face it. Losing someone that we love is very painful. It’s a pain that we have to endure for the rest of our life. I always tell to myself – our life journal has been written by Allah. Whatever happens is actually fated and destined for us.

The most important is how we face and handle it. On life’s most difficult days all that we can do is simply take things moment by moment.

Semoga roh ayah mertuaku dan ibuku dirahmati Allah dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang yang beriman. Ampunkan segala dosa mereka dan masukkan mereka ke dalam syurga. Ameen.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Mau Kerja Ka??

My hubby sometimes came back home telling about his staff at the office. How he sometimes got upset with the work and also with the attitude of the locals here. I once told him "Susah2 ambik I je ah keje dgn abang..." Hubby looked at me and asked "Are you serious? If you want, I am fine with it" Bila dia cakap macam tu.. terus dah tergugat confident tadi! Hahahhaha..

Well.. I don't think I really mean it when I said it. I was probably sounded eager when hear the salary that I'll be getting but when come to think the time that I have to spend and be away from my home - NO.. NO.. NO..

I left my career life in 2002, 9 years ago. My last job was a consultant to one of the Australian company. I was at that time at the peak of my career. It was quite a tough decision for me to make. Hubby has been posted to Miri, Sarawak and I was pregnant with Nabila at that time. I didn't have much choice left - career or family?

I of course chose my family. I was quite miserable at first. Lonely and didn't know what to do. Hubby was quite supportive by encouraging me to join the Petronita Club (bini2 org Petronas). Memang mula2 tak boleh accept culture surirumah tangga kat sana ni.. So like makcik2 dalam drama tu.. Hahahha.. but slowly I learned and adapted myself to it.

I was holding quite high position in the Petronita Club and busied with various activities. Beside that I enrolled myself in cooking classes. I was also busied with my two toddlers - Nabila & Hakeem (gave birth two years in a row), don't ask me how and why! Hahahha.. but thank God when I look at them now, I wish I got pregnant for the third one on the following year!

Anyway that's how my status of "housewife" life began. After Miri, we moved to Oman (4 years) then I was back to Malaysia. Hubby was in Khazastan, me and kids were in Malaysia. We were living separately for 2 years. Then here I am back together all of us in Oman.

It is already 9 years but I enjoy every bit of my moment. I did sometimes envy looking at my friends who are now at their high position of career but hey.. probably they too envy with my life now! I can't gain everything what I want. You win something and you also have to loose something.

Back to the question - mau kerja ka? Hmm.. sorry ye.. at the moment I don't think I want to be apart from my home, children and all the things and leisure that I am having now. Though I am in the position that probably not proud to be called off - "housewife" still I never and never regret the decision that I've made 9 years ago.

I am content with my life now and wouldn't want to change it with anything!