Monday, 25 August 2014

If Only You Understand Me..

A few days ago I was talking to hubby about our children, the plan for all of them. I have a friend who her son will be married next month. She told me how worries she is now with all the preparations, budgets and everything. I am trying to imagine if I were in her shoes. I probably feel the same too.

We discussed if our eldest daughter were to get married, where would it be held, who were to be invited and all the cost that we have to spend. Hahaha.. so funny that both of us especially me who were so excited planning this and that like she’s going to get married soon!

Sometimes, our children may not realize that we as a parent work hard to provide all the best for them. It is not just in terms of the luxury and comfort but also a piece of mind. We want them to wake up in the morning and have everything complete around them – enough food to eat, nice clothes to wear and exciting toys to play.

As a mother, I have my own role to do. I carry a big responsibility to make sure that my children turn out to be a good person. Kalau jadi tak elok.. orang kata mak juga tak pandai didik anak kan…

I am not a perfect mom or probably an ideal person to some people but what I know that I want to be the best mother in front of my children’s eyes. I have four beautiful teenage daughters. Each of them has their own character and way of thinking. I sometimes might not be able to go along with their drastic change of life or thinking. Looking at them like that make me realize that they are no more my little girls.

Yes.. we do argue sometimes, we do have different opinions but at the end of the day all I want them to understand that only love that bond between us can erase those differences.

I might not be able to be with my children 24-7, but if I were to be given the opportunity even a minute, an hour, a day, a year or even a second to be and spend time with them, I will make the best out of it.

Sometimes in our life, things happen as not as we want it to be. I may have a “no choice” situation that limit me to show my love to my girls. I might not be able to do like a norm mother do that later can be claimed as a perfect mom by all of you. With a period that I had for a minute, an hour, a day, a year or even a second, I did my best, my very best and with all my heart to make all of you happy. I did my best to play a role as a supermom.

Whatever that I’ve done to my children is because of my love towards them. I never expect all them to pay me back (though I always had this stupid Si Tanggang or Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup drama joke with them) in whatever way. All I want is to see them success in their study, have a good job and good life. That’s it. That thought has already made me happy and pleased.

I am not young anymore. My heart and feelings might not be as hyper and strong like when I was young which I can just swallow everything and forget about it. I can easily get worried from small little things. I also sometimes can be over excited about everything! And at times, just a plain harsh word or sentence can simply hurt me too.

Owh my dear heart.. It takes time to heal but I know one day it will go away.

I just want to live my life happily. I want to do what I like. I want to buy what I want. I want to eat what I crave.

I want to wake up in the morning with a happy mood, getting good news from my girls, looking at both younger ones smiling at me and last but not least a husband that always there to comfort me. I want to have a stress-free life.

To all my girls, I might not be the perfect one or the supermom, as all of you want me to be. I make mistakes and sometimes hurt your feelings. All of you may only see the ‘evil’ side of me. Maybe you could take a second and be in my shoes. You will see how every second clock ticking worries me so much about your well-being.  Then maybe you will realize how much I care and love each one of you.

No mother in this entire world, be it either biological mother, stepmother or adoptive mother would ever wants to see her children in trouble and unhappy. A mother love will never end. It is there from beginning to the end.

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